And...Jinxed myself :(

I totally jinxed myself.

Written on Friday, January 23rd on my last blog enter

"I have been full-force into this, not off meals or days for over a month!  I am proud of myself and a little scared.  What if I blow it?  What if something happens and I get really stressed and overeat and go off plan?"


Why did I even go there?  I really had been doing well; eating well, feeling good, keeping up the momentum.    Well, that very evening my 2 and 1/2 year old Cora started acting a little off.  She was coughing and acting tired.  Had probably already started running a temperature.  By that Saturday morning she was really sick.  Hit a high of 104.6!  Worried mama here almost took her into the ER but with the help of my sister and a nurse we were able to get her temperature down.

Good news is Cora is doing a bit better now.  Still mild temperature, still coughing, and still has a pretty sore throat.  Bad news it is I got sick the next day.  Now, this morning my husband started getting sick!  Uk!

So, this is exactly what I am talking about.  I get a good start and then I hit a bump, where this time it is illness.  I have not been able to get on the elliptical since Friday.  I have hardly been able to do more than 10 minutes of 'work' without starting a coughing fit.  I don't have enough energy to cook healthy or get groceries.  I for sure don't have time to plan my meals while caring for my sick family.  

Thank goodness that I have plenty of easy healthy things stocked up around the house.

Thank goodness I have an awesome sister-in-law who ran to the store for us to get medicine and some groceries.

And thank goodness that I started thinking about this before it happened!   Part of me was mentally prepared; still grabbing the healthy snacks and easy healthy meals, still tracking my points and staying under my daily budget, and still downing my water because that will help on so many levels.

I know now I need to prepare a plan for getting going again.  Last night I thought I was feeling pretty good and almost antsy.  I got changed and got on the elliptical, yeah...no back off within 5 minutes because of coughing fits!  So, until I am at least not running a temperature anymore I probably should not worry about exercise.  When I start feeling better I should start and start pretty slow, especially if still recuperating.   

As for eating wise that is something I can continue doing between now and then.  I have enough healthy things around the house to keep us going.  I know if we get desperate I have multiple people I can call.   

Ug, I am just frustrated!   Will admit that I am worried I will start slacking on exercise/movement because (taking care of myself).  That I will turn to something extremely easy like Mac and Cheese instead of taking a little energy to cook something.  That I will take time off until I start feeling better.  If I could take time off and knew I would go back on I would maybe do that.  History does not prove that to be true though.

So, chugging along...still... mostly....uk totally jinxed myself.  

Getting a Plan

I'm still here and doing this and doing well!  :)

WEIGHT
I had my 3 week weight-in this last Wednesday and I am down 1.8lbs!  So, total I have lost 3.2lbs!   Initially, I was wishful again for a bigger number but realizing that I had lost my 'water weight' before all of this started (when I weighed myself and was at 329lbs; this was pure fat loss!  So, I am happy about it.  Also this past week I took a picture that I hope to use as the 'before' picture.  I didn't think it would hurt to share it on here too.   As the weeks go on I plan to have additional pictures as I get smaller and smaller.
The second picture is a snapshot of my graph from Weight Watchers (I got a bit print screen happy this blog, enjoy!).  I'm going down!


January

January 18th- Week 2- 1.5lbs DOWN

FITBIT
Something else I started doing 15 days ago (to be exact) is wearing my fitbit again.  This brought me to a few revelations.  On days that I did not work out I would barely hit my original goal of 10,000 steps!  Ek!  I was surprised how few steps I took when just around the house.  Some days are as low as 4000 steps.  There were a few days there when I felt like I had done something, like shopping and then 30 minutes on the elliptical and I STILL did not have 10,000 steps!  So, I could either lower my goal or raise my expectations.  As you can see from the screen shot after that I went with the latter :)  

So, as you can see above there is just one day that I made goal.  I remember that day too.  I was about ready to go to bed and was surprised to see I was still 500 steps away from 10,000.  I wandered around the house until I made it.  It had been a day that I had felt like I had been active.  I first wanted to think something was wrong with my fitbit, it was resetting or something.   Haha, don't I wish?  This week I really kicked it up a notch.  4 out of the 5 days this week I went on the elliptical, sometimes twice to get my steps in.  The other night at 10:00p.m. I turned off the t.v. preparing to go to bed.  I looked at my fitbit and saw I was still short 1000 steps. I surprised myself by going on the elliptical for 10 minutes so I made my goal!  

My plan is to do this every day if I have to until I reach goal.  3 to 4 days out of the week I plan on hitting the elliptical hard/ 30 to 40 minutes moderate workout/out of breath, stinky sweaty!  I've realized with my new life style of being at home if I want to get my activity level I will probably have to/get to go on the elliptical daily even for 20 minutes at not so moderate intensity.  Enough to get my heart rate up but not enough to make me feel the need to shower right after :)

Weight Watchers

So, as I mentioned in the beginning, Weight Watchers is still going wonderfully!  I have not missed a meeting/weigh-in yet AND I have not gone off plan, not even once.  I have had a few things off plan if you remember; like chocolate cake, pizza....but on those days I made up for it by watching what I eat or just using a few Fitness Points (points that I got from exercise/working out).   I have not had to use even one weekly point.  

I warned you I got a bit print screen happy...I took a snapshot of each week's points.  Now remember, my current goal (until I lose more weight) is 36 points a day.  The reason my points go Wednesday through Tuesday is because my weigh-in/Weight Watchers meeting is on Wednesdays.

Week 1 Jan 7th-13th

Week 2 Jan. 14-20th

Week 3 (current) January 21-27th

Ok, so I realize that you probably don't need to see all of that... but I enjoyed myself doing it :)  So, the main point of the above three pictures is I stayed below my point goal each day.   This might be week 3 of Weight Watchers but it is actually something like week 5 sense I started on my getting healthy journey.  I have been full-force into this, not off meals or days for over a month!  I am proud of myself and a little scared.  What if I blow it?  What if something happens and I get really stressed and overeat and go off plan?  Well, this week's chapter gave me more time to contemplate that (good timing!.

Made to Crave series by Lysa Terkeurst
 
The third chapter of Made to Crave is This chapter talks much about how the author wants or wishes a lush display of flowers like she sees in people gardens.  Well, for this garden she doesn't want to think about the planning or the hard work, just the beautiful bounty.  Besides the garden, she wanted a beautiful body.  The word she uses is "wished."  She wanted to wake up one day, and snap, it would happen.   She realized then and is teaching us now just like a garden there needs to be planning, hard work and ongoing tending before we see the results.

Getting a Plan.  

 "I had lost weight before, but I couldn't keep it off for any extended time.  My changes were always temporary; therefore my results were also temporary."

That statement hit home for me.  I have tried so many different things to lose weight over the years; low-carb, counting calories, slimfast, Nutrisystem... and none of it seemed to work long-term.  I am sure like weight watchers if I would have stuck to the program I could have lost weight and hopefully they would have had a plan to help me maintain it, but like the author my changes were temporary.  

My plan, if you have been following along, is pretty obvious; Weight Watchers.  Just like this is chapter 3 I am week 3 into the program and so far I feel I am really rocking it!  I have an exercise regime of working out on an elliptical and lots of support and accountability from family and friends.

I am 100% certain that if I continue to follow Weight Watchers, the plan will work for me!   If I backslide and can't get back on the bandwagon and then go back to my old eating ways, it will not work for me.  I would have failed Weight Watchers.  It isn't the other way around.

So, that brings me to the next thing I have been thinking about.  Weight Watchers has those extra 49 points that are optional to use during the week and I have not used them.  I have stayed on-plan EVERY day from the beginning.  That is great and I am proud of that, but I have really been thinking, hoping, and praying that when I do have a day or even a few days where I do go off plan that I do not give up.   It has happened before.  I get a great running start and then I hit a bump in the road; my favorite fast food place during dinner time, a friend inviting me to Chinese, or just a bit stressful moment and this time HAS to be different.  While I can't expect perfection of myself I have to expect that after an imperfection I get back on plan and continue this journey.  

Ok, on to some of the discussion/personal reflection questions. I am only going to touch on a couple because a few I already did above.

What thoughts, images, or emotions come to mind when I think of the word plan?

I do like plans.  I like the set-up, research, initial learning process.  I love planning; for my wedding, trips, future, finances... The plans are there but the follow through isn't always.  I feel like plans are important.   We need to be ready and prepared for those 'if'' moments.  If I plan to have extra snacks along in the car then I can eat before shopping and not get hungry buys.  If I plan for what I will do after an off meal/day then I will be able to get back on track again faster.   If I don't have a plan then my going with the flow will lead me back to where I was before.

What words or phrases would you use to describe the kind of plan you think would be realistic for you over the long term?   On a scale of one to ten, how hopeful are you that you can find a realistic food plan and one that you can grow to love.

The plan I need is something flexible but accountable.  It needs to be adaptable to life circumstance and interesting enough to keep me learning.  It needs to be a life change!   Weight Watchers is really all of that and more!   That Weight Watchers is a life change and not a diet is something that they really emphasis.   It is still early and I have so much to learn but so far there is much that I LOVE about Weight Watchers.  I love the easiness of counting the points vrs. calorie counting, the accountability of the meetings/online, the easy to use online tools and resources, and the multiple way to change things up with new recipes or even different plans!  One a scale 1 to 10 I say that I am at a 10.

Thanks for reading or even skimming through :)

Chapter 2 Replacing my Cravings and WW Week 1 weigh in

Yesterday was my first weeks weigh in for weight watchers and, drum roll please....... 1.4lbs down!  Ok, the more reflection I've had on that the happier I am about that number.  I will admit at first I was a little disappointed that I did not have a big number.   So many people their first week have larger numbers between 5 and 9lbs.  I am not a small girl either where 1.4lbs would be great.  I am 230lbs.  Good things though.  It had to be all fat loss (no water weight affecting those numbers) because I had been working out and eating right.   It also kind of reconfirms for me that there might be something else going on here because the numbers could have been a bit higher loss.   I stayed within my point range, did not use any of my weekly points and only 2 out of my (I think 14) exercise points I earned, and I worked out four days this week (pretty hard workout, 30 minutes moderate intensity on an elliptical).   Having all of this data on weight watchers and my fitness pal two weeks before this will be good to show the doctor at the end of this month when we talk about what has been going on.  I believe until then Weight Watchers will help me from gaining more weight and maybe drop a few more pounds.  So, I am happy and have had a great start on this program and life style.

Two days ago I read Chapter 2 in Made to Crave.  I reread it this morning and decided it would be a great day to blog about this chapter specifically.  

Replacing My Cravings was about what specifically to do when having a craving and had a lot of other great insights and ideas.   It spoke about morning routines and how cravings can totally throw you off.  One statement that was made that stuck out to me and was not really touched on in reflection questions is pg. 28 "If I admit my struggles with food to my friends they might try to hold me accountable."   I believe in a later chapter we touch more on this, but this past week I have had a lot of support from family and friends.   I personally told those close to me about my mission to change my health and starting weight watchers.  Extremely supportive and helpful!  Not to mention my ongoing facebook updates.  I am sure some are already getting tired of my daily or bi-daily progress up dates, struggles, and successes but every seems to be routing for me.   I have never felt so encouraged by the comments and likes.

This week people that I see on a daily or weekly basis and even people I have just run into have encouraged me.  My husband has repeatedly asked how I have been doing and if I have worked out or not.   My friend and house-mate Amber has encouraged me for the good choices I have made and helped me in my cooking endeavors,  When making plans with my sister-in-law for lunch she mentioned she had left over lasagna and said something about not knowing how many points that would be.  We worked out that I would bring a salad and we would have a big salad before having a piece of lasagna which worked out great!   Just having people know and help keep me accountable has been wonderful.

Another statement that this chapter made that got me thinking was, "This wasn't really about the scale or what clothing size I was; it was about this battle that raged in my heart.   I have, still, currently a very unhealthy attachment to food that I am working on breaking and turning to something else.  Lysa makes a point to say that God never intended us to want anything more than we want Him.   That is what I am working on.  One day and on step at a time.

Now, at the end of this chapter of course there was the personal reflections.   Some of them I combined or really answered earlier.

When it comes to my relationship with food what repeated behaviors or events describe an unhealthy cycle I have with food.
   Well, bad habits we all have them.  When it comes to food I've developed plenty.   Before whenever watching T.V./movie, especially at night I always felt the need to have a snack.  Sometimes these snacks had to be 500 calories or more!  Now in the evening when I feel like I need a snack I get out vegetables or plan a few extra calories for health low points snack at night.  Fast food is another bad routine that I had developed.  When out and about I would not plan for meals and grab unhealthy, cheap, bad for you items while out.  There were even times when I would go through not even for a meal and eat!  I would always feel horrible after.   I have not had fast food sense starting this!  Lastly, I used to turn to food for comfort, when stressed, or upset...I am replacing that behavior with more productive things like prayer, puzzles, exercise...


How do you respond to the idea as using your cravings as a prompt to pray?   How has prayer helped or failed to help you in your previous food battles.

    Because this is a book/chapter I read before (like years before) I have learned this before and have found this a GREAT help.   Of course I had stopped doing this though until I restarted this book.  Praying really does help.  I am not sure if it is because giving into the craving feels more like failing God after you pray, it helps you talk yourself out of what you are think you want and focus on what is really going on, or if God is personally reaching out and redirecting your thoughts and cravings...if praying and turning to Him is filling your craving.  I think it is a combination of everything.  It really does help!

My First Week on Weight Watchers

I made it through my first week on Weight Watchers!   I did well (I think)...will know for sure this Wednesday at my second meeting's weigh in.   I will try not to be disappointed if I do not see a weight drop.  At least that will reaffirm that there is something else going on with my weight gain.  I will say now that it is getting closer it makes me want to see a big weight drop.   

So...going to post the end of my week's food log

:)  So...this is what it means.  Each day I had 36 daily points to use (and I was really supposed to use them too).  Some examples of points was the coffee creamer I used was 1 point.   1 egg is two points.  Toast is 2 points (without butter)... etc.  When I start dropping weight the number of daily points (36) will go down too.  The lowest it will go is 26pts.   

Next to that is Weekly points (weekly remaining). We have 49 extra points that you can use if you need them for days that you go over or meal/item splurges.   Some people have success if they use all of them, half of them, or none of them.   I am trying to use none of them at least at first until I see how I do.  I did have a few splurges including a piece of chocolate cake a few days ago and as you can see on this day a piece of pizza from Pizza Hut which accounted actually for 9 points. Yesterday though I just adjusted what I ate the rest of the day to make for those extra points which is why I did not dip into my exercise points...

Which brings me to exercise points.   These are extra points you earn from daily activity or exercise.  As you can see I earned 14 total and used 2.  I have a fitbit and it gives me about 1 point for every 500 steps (thought it is not working correctly and keep resetting so I am pretty sure I should have earned more of these) and also on the 3 days this week I worked out on my elliptical I received 3 points each time.   So, I was very happy that I left most of these points but I feel fine about the two that I did use.

That is the thing.  There was a few times this week that I did eat some unhealthy food like cake, pizza, coffee creamer.  For the first time in as long as I can remember I did NOT feel guilty about it!  It felt really nice.  I just made up for these extra points/calories during other parts of the day or used a couple of exercise points.  

So. my first official day doing this program was actually Tuesday, January 6th.

January 6th; Tuesday.  Exactly 36 points used and earned 3 points for exercise.  I was just getting a hang of the point system.  I ate pretty well.  I was surprised to find that one of our favorite Sam's Club purchases Parmesan encrusted Tilapia was 6 points for a 4 oz serving so realized I had to be more careful with those!   I also found out I like cottage cheese this day with some cinnamon and a dash of splenda, turned into one of my favorite snacks.    

January 7th, Wednesday.  I used 34 points today (not 36).  No activity points (no fitbit hooked up). I had not realized on this day that I should use all.   I did not exercise.   I went to my Weight Watchers meeting today.  It wasn't quite what I expected.  Very formal and class format.  I am going to give it a few more times but if this isn't the right group for me I might check out some in the town nearby.   I also used the chat with a coach feature on Weight Watchers a few times and had luck with that.  

January 8th, Thursday.  I used 37 daily points today and one activity points.  I earned 3 activity points.  I ate very well today.  I remember after my workout I felt pretty hungry so had a small bowl of raisin bran in the evening a.k.a my one activity point over (and did not feel bad about it).   I remember reading through some of the weight watcher's articles, learning about healthy checks.  It is a system where you check off glasses of liquid each day (8), 3 milk products, 8 fruits and veg, 3 healthy oils.   I have not done this yet but looking into it.  

January 9th, Friday.   Used 36 of my daily points and earned 8 activity points.  I felt pretty proud of myself this day.  I had a Tupperware party this day where I baked a cake and got some goodies for my guests (including fresh cheese curds which are soooo yummy).  As part of the presentation we baked a cake together and I adjusted my points for this day/planned on having a piece of the cake.   I was so tempted in the other goodies like the cheese curds Chex Mix, pretzels, but did not sneak even one!   I had been worried about this evening and was proud with my resolve.  The fit bit gave me 4 exercise points for the 30 minsutes and the other points showed up from steps.   :)  At the end of the day my fitbit said I only had 7500 steps but it reset during the day.  It kept sending activity points though after so many steps though so at least that was accurate (I think).   

January 10th, Saturday.   Used 37 points this day.  No activity points.   I did fairly well this day with food.  I had a sweets attack after supper and tried one of the Weight Watcher's Peanut Butter Brownie Bites which put me over a  little but it was ok.  I think the sugar rush from the chocolate cake affected me a bit.  We also had some left over that I did not touch (but kept seeing all day).   Fitbit was being goofy this day and nothing transferred over.   That is fine, I feel like it gave me too many points yesterday.   This evening we also had steak and I stuck to my 4 ozs.   I can make the steak and eat it too on this plan!  

January 11th, Sunday.  I surprised myself again this day.  After church the family decided to go to Pizza Hut.  K, like many I LOVE pizza and my tummy was grumbling.   There was a large group of us there (like 12) and everyone ordered just pizza.  I ordered the salad bar and had a big salad before the piece of pizza :)    I felt kind of bad because I was the only one and someone else paid for everything, but all of the pizza was gone and I just had one piece of the pizza so if I had a second that might have left one of the growing boys hungry.  So, I am glad with how I did.  We had a good and busy day.   That evening my husband and I had a date night and went out to a movie (Taken 3, pretty good movie).  We stopped at Duncan Donuts and he had a hot chocolate while I had a decaf coffee (and I would have fallen for the hot chocolate any other day.  I had no idea how many points it was though and didn't want to chance it).  

So, this morning when I got up...even though I expected it I was kind of sad to see all of the activity points refreshed and set back to 0.   I am going to go work some up right now on my elliptical now!

Thanks for reading!     

What's Really Going on Here? Ch 1

Today I am going to work on the reflection section on Made to Crave series.   I first want to summarize how I have been doing these last two days now that I am officially doing Weight Watchers.   

I have logged food on WW for three days now and I am finding myself feeling full and energized, though I had a crash this afternoon I had to work through.  I have found myself planning out my day or almost finished with the day and realizing I still had more points to use up. 

If you are not familiar with WW I will summarize it a bit.  You are given an allotted points each day to use up, I have 36.  You additionally have points each week that you can use when you go over your points or you have an indulgence meal (49).  You can also earn exercise points and it is your choice if you use them or not.  Each week you lose whatever Weekly Points or Activity Points you have left and it resets (or Activity Points go back to 0).  I am started out with 36 points and as I lose weight my points will start going down.  The maintenance points on average for women are 26 I believe.   I have researched and asked if we need to use all of our daily points and they encourage you to do so.  

The first few days I really found myself struggling to use all the points.  I did, but it felt like a LOT to eat.  Just out of curiosity I went back and entered the food I had been eating this past week from my fitness pal when I was counting calories and I found myself consistently below 36 by 4 to 6 points each day (which is a small meal in itself).   So, I had not been taking in enough at least according to Weight Watchers.  That might be part of the reason why I was having weight loss issues or what it felt like weight gain.   I feel like I am on a great track now.

So... I stayed within my point range each day this week (3 days ) and I worked out twice for 30 minutes on my elliptical (on Tuesday and just this afternoon).   I am still really enjoying my work out but am planning on upping my workout period a bit.  Not any more time on the elliptical but upping the intensity to keep my heart rate up in the high zone.   I am planning on adding some 15 minutes fitness videos that were sent to me on facebook and recommended on youtube.  I have some turbo jam here but I think that would kick my butt if I went right to that.  If there is a day I feel like kicking my butt I will do Turbo Jam in place of the elliptical lol.  I have been reminded to keep switching up my workout routine.

So, so far I have earned 6 exercise points from exercise.   I am planning on using them tomorrow during a tubberware when I have some chocolate cake :)   A very yummy chocolate cake that I am looking forward to.  When I remembered that was the dessert I picked months ago to have made I at first thought I would not indulge but this afternoon I think I have earned a piece.  I have been working hard and not just this week but I have not cheated for three weeks now.  Maybe just the metabolism boost I need.  

Ok....that was kind of a long update...now on the the reflection questions from Chapter One.

1.  This chapter brings up a little orange monster that chases around a person tempting them to eat unhealthy foods (this might have been an old WW commercial now that i think of it), it asks what form/craving might the 'orange' monster take.   It also asks if we could sit down and have a conversation with it, what would that be like.

Well...wow, that dude could take a few different forms for me.  I have a weakness for chocolate, I LOVE rice (especially the high fatty, chicken flavored, not good for you in large moderation rice), but I would say my biggest craving and weakness is when it comes to Chinese Food, especially Chinese Buffets!  Ohhh yum it makes my mouth water just thinking about it.  There are a few great placed close to us and I could eat a couple plates full, probably 2000 calories worth.   To represent that I can see a little cartoon dragon, like the one from Mulan but with a bigger face and larger teeth.  He is probably following me around wafting some of my favorites in the air like crab ragoons, stuffed mushrooms....k, I have to stop thinking about that. 

The awesome thing is I don't have to turn away from Chinese Food forever.  There are healthy choices there especially if I fill up on a salad or indulge in some of my favorites but in moderation.   I don't have to give this well meaning old time buddy the boot completely.  I would sit down and tell him even though I LOVE eating all of that stuff after I usually feeling very bad about it (sometimes physically but mostly negatively).  It makes me think of Chinese food as a bad thing, and it is not.  I will tell him I need to take a little break from him but when I am ready I will visit him again and will savor every bite.   

2 and 3. The next question is how would I respond to the idea that God made us to crave.  Then it asks how can we turn this cravings into good things.  

You know, at first it might feel/seem like a cruel joke!  Seriously!   It is not the craving that is a probably and definitely not God  but what we had turned it towards; food.  We are not supposed to crave food or fill up on food.   We are meant to crave God.   To think of cravings this way helps put things into perspective for me.  I might have a craving for something and my mind who is not used to what the craving should be thinks of food comfort things like Chinese food, chocolate, starchy things... the craving is a signal for me to stop and thing.  Is what I feel hunger?  It is a signal.  Have I been drinking water.  Make sure all of the physical things are out of the way.  The real reason might be needing comfort.  Am I upset about something?  What is bothering me.  I need to turn to something to comfort, to God.  Prayer.   Friends

4.  It then talks about how Satan tries to lure us away from our loving God bye cravings.  It asks us to think back to the last 24 hours to specific ways I have been tempted.

- Cravings; while shopping I saw fresh warm cheese curds.   I wanted them though I was not hungry.  I had to take a mind check to keep walking.  

- Lust of the eyes; while my husband and I are looking online and around town for vehicles and we have a pretty low top dollar I have came across trucks that are well out of our price range.   It made me want them and feel jealous for those that were going to get them.  We could get them though out of plan.  Who needs money saved up or investment money.   I had to recheck myself for the end goal in mind.  

AND Joined Weight Watchers :)

Ok...big day!   After speaking with a few people and sitting and thinking about how I have been struggling I went ahead and joined weight watchers... I signed up for the support AND meeting.  Years back I did try weight watchers for three months (before 2008 when I got married) but I did not do the meetings.  I quickly lost track.   I remember I found it helpful but overwhelming.   The decision also came when I look at the introduction to Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst.

They talk about how it isn't the 'how to' that is missing, it is the want to.  I was sitting there thinking looking at pictures of myself from years back and I realized maybe I need more work on the 'how to.'
Something that Lysa said stuck out to me, "I've struggled way to long with food choices and my weight."

When I posted the blog before this earlier this morning I had a surprise when I looked at facebook.  It was a picture of my husband and myself from like 2009.   Wow, I look at the girl and want anything to be where she is at.

It struck me then...even when I was there, I still wanted to lose more.  I was just as desperate, confused, and frustrated and yearning to get down at least 20 more lbs (I was around 160lbs at the time).   I was struggling physically, mentally, spiritually back then too.

I want to post another picture now...



That is me now.  I am still there...same girl but about 70 more points.  That isn't the main focus of my picture though, it is the little gal with the Minnie Mouse ears.   Our little toddler Cora.  I want this on so many levels for her.  I want to be healthy and be around for a long time.  Diabetes runs in our family and heart disease.   I also want to, need to be a good role model for her.  I've struggled with weight sense elementary school.  I really don't want that for her.  There is enough tough stuff out in the world than for her to be struggling with weight and health.

Ok, so after I read the introduction to the book (or reread really) and joined Weight Watchers and played around on the website/setting up my meal plan for the day using the point system (very cool and much easier than what I was doing before...I did see when I entered what I have eaten today and was planning to eat I still had another 4 points to use up somewhere and in WW they want you to eat your points...I am pretty sure if I would have entered stuff from previous days I would find he same) I followed through with more of my plans and got on our elliptical machine!  Woot woot!

I really had a kick butt exercise.  My overall goal is to get a good workout in 3 or 4 days out of every 7.  So far I am right on track.   Currently I am watching Gilmore Girls while working out (and am saving the show JUST for when I work out, just getting into Season 1).

After my workout I sat down the the book and looked through Chapter 1.   One thing that stuck out to me was her statement, "we crave what we eat."

I am sitting here thinking...yeah, I have not really had an overload of sweats in two weeks now.  I can think back fairly recently to having moments in the day when I wanted something sweet like that very moment!   I can honestly say I have not had that for over two weeks.  

The chapter focuses a lot on the word craving.  Dictionary.com (this book states) defines cravings as something you long for, want greatly, desire eagerly, and beg for.

Thinking about how I had just used the word craving as craving something sweet.  That is not right, we are meant to crave but NOT chocolate, not coffee, not comfort food, but God!  Only God!

I do crave God.  I've known that, tried to redirect my cravings and constantly keep failing.  I won't be defeated though because I will never give up or give in.   Giving in would be easy.  I wanted to give in yesterday when I got on the scale and saw that after all of my hard work I was UP almost 5lbs.  Wanted to throw my spinach out the window and splurge on cheese its.   I wanted to give in when I got into an argument with someone close to me and wanted to turn to comfort food.  I didn't.   Will I always resist, no.   Will the object of my true craving always be.  YES!  Thank the Lord!

I am going to end this blog with this week's verse.   "Everything is permissible' --but not everything is beneficial."

I could have turned to food for comfort, it would have been ok.  It would not have benefited me in any way.  Writing down my feelings, turning to the scriptures, or phoning a friend is.  It would have been ok if I would have bought a suggary fatty chocolate treat while shopping and eaten it on the way home and hidden the wrapper (...never done that before...lol), but it would not have helped.   Having a snack before shopping would have been better.  

So, there are 6 chapters to this baby and I read the 1st.  Each chapter is supposed to last a week and I have written enough for now.  I am going to do the personal reflection later.

Thanks for reading!  

Joining the NTL 100s club

Well...I officially have joined I need to lose 100lbs club!   I have been writing some blogs on myfitnesspal but I was trying to post some pictures and having trouble so I decided to move them to here.   When looking at some of the blogs I started I was looking through Made to Crave.  I really liked that series.  I think this will be a good addition to what I have been trying to do.   But first I want to post a picture of some of my previous blogs and what I have done so far.

On January 2nd

Ok...it is still hard for me to wrap my mind around being into the 200s again.   Not just in the 200s, I am creeping way into the 200s.   231lbs had been the heaviest I had ever been.  I had already started trying to watch what I eat that previous week and had come off being pretty sick before that.  I was looking forward to the numbers going down.  So, that entire week I logged all that I ate, stayed under my goal and as you can see from this next post we even got an elliptical machine and I worked out 4 out of 7 days.

Here is another blog...

January 4th (just two days later)

So, I was really starting to feel good about what I was doing.  Had noticed these good choices I made.  One thing I did not mention was I had snuck onto the scale a few times.  It didn't seem like the numbers were going how I wanted.   I decided to put the scale away and I checked myself again four days later.  That brought me to post the follow SOS on facebook yesterday

January 5th

As you can tell from my post I was confused, discouraged, and a little concerned.   The response I received was overwhelming...

Wow, many of these responses came within the hour.  I received tons of encouragement, suggestions, answers, and overall support.   I also received probably 10 private messages (that I have not even had a chance to get back to all of them) offering additional resources and support.

Here is what I generally learned (though some did contradict each other)
- I was eating a safe amount of calories.  Maybe up it a little on the days that I worked out (more than I had)
-  It isn't just how many calories I eat but what I eat/the kinds of foods
- Reminder that I should be not just estimating when I eat, to make sure I measure and log every single thing.
- Specific advice for foods/items I should be cutting out or switching over to
-  I need to ignore the scale and focus on how I feel
-  Keep switching things up while eating and exercising so I don't get bored
- DRINK WATER
- I could have been/probably was low on water weight because I was sick and this is closer to what I weighed
- Maybe look into something like Weight Watchers or get into Advocare/protein shakes, exercise videos,
- Make sure I am weighing myself the same time


One thing I also want to add is an explanation later down about the possible medical thing I am looking into

Tessa Shea I did get my thyroid checked a year ago and my levels were good. One thing that we talked about that might be causing some trouble is the mirena iud I had put in a few years ago. It might be working too good with releasing hormones into my body. Women are reporting that it is tricking their bodies to think they are pregnant. A year ago I stopped getting my cycles and I have had at least one false pregnancy. Also, even after getting my wedding ring stretched once it still isn't fitting (sometimes it is worse than others) so I think my hands might be swollen too. I wanted to wait till after the new year for insurance reasons to get it removed to see if that helps. Also thinking about cutting back on some off my anxiety medication and that might help. I know overall it has been life choices these past two years but I think these things have not helped.

16 hrs · Like · 1

So, again I was blown away by all of the advice and support.  During my next exercise routine I am going to read through things again and take more time looking to some of the links and resources I was given.

So...that is where I am at.  Yesterday I was on the verge of giving up.  I practically had a spoon and the peanut butter but the comments really helped me put things back into perspective.  While I am looking forward to my doctors appointment at the end of the month and I have a feeling that getting the IUD removed will help I am going to keep working at it until this.  Going to keep logging and adjusting my eating habits, have a goal of working out 3 to 4 times a week, and I will ask for help when I need it.

A little later this afternoon I am going to get out my made to crave book and see where that leads me.

Thanks for reading.